The group! I'm starting to think brother Den is more of a U2 groupie than I! We're both huge fans... but I think his man crush on Bono is bigger than mine!
Last weekend Phil, Neeters and I decided to hit up the Renaissance Fair! I have nothing more to say other than - um, Oh wow and Huzzah! I had seen pictures from when sister went with her friend, so I knew what to expect- So I thought! I honestly had a blast though! This is one time where not being dressed up I felt out of place! Seriously a riot!!
The only way out was to kiss this guys cheek--- ha ha ha
27 years ago, Mom passed away. I can't really say that I have memories that I miss about her like my 3 older brothers and sister. Really I look back and think about the memories that I don't have with her.
There are pictures of her holding me, pictures of her and I at 4H watching the boys, at my birthday party, etc. I can remember about the specific memory just because of the photo. Being 4 years old has its advantages and disadvantages of losing a parent. Easier to deal with the loss at the time but harder to deal with not having anything to remember her by. 
However over the years and into my adulthood, I have heard and listened with an open heart of the stories that others tell of her. I am so blessed to have been born of an amazing woman. 
We came across some reel to reel and spent the night at Denny's house listening to them not knowing what we would find. There was one reel that had a woman telling a story about a cat or a dog or something. That was the first time hearing mom's voice that I can remember, at the age of 27. I remember just sitting there thinking, "wow that's mom!". Now at the age of 31, I look and analyze my life on a daily basis. The love and passion that is behind the voices of those that tell stories of Mom, is ultimately what I want when I pass. 
Stories that are told of a big heart, an amazing friend, a loving mother, dedicated wife, a smile that could silence a room, a nature lover, a woman that was up for an adventure, two helping hands that were always available, etc. Tears come to my eyes in pure gratitude learning that she was an amazing woman. An example that I try to follow. I know I'm not perfect nor will I claim to be, but having a great example like her, I have an advantage to my path of life. 
Mom, you have been missed everyday and have never been forgotten. I have felt you at times when I needed true support. Though you are not here physically, I know you are always with me.
I just thought I would share onne of my all time favorites.. Joshua Raidin (and yes is coming in town!) His lyrics are amazing, his voice even more amazing and the beat I love! How can you have a bad day with amazing music?
My dear friend Eric had a birthday and instead of taking him to dinner, I thought hmmm why not take him snowshoeing! At first there was hesitance with his reply to my invitation but there was finally a "yes I'll go"! Hooray!
I went over to his house the night before our hike and made sure all equipment was good to go. Don't even get me started on the fact that he had snowshoes WITH TAGS in his possession for the past 7 years! All equipment was ready and I think I finally got a "I'm really excited but nervous" our of him! ha ha
The day started with rain... um where was the snow? During the hike rain fell... still wondering where was the snow? The end of the day... Downpour.. Now thinking.. yep definitely no snow today! But hey there was still snow to shoe on!
At the top of the trail we came across an opening, I of course stuck my head in and went in. Eric not so much. I was in the cave walking around and I hear a "um Suz......." I looked over and I saw his snowshoe he was getting his brave boy pants on and coming in! He makes it through and gives me the "I was out there for quite some time and I got a little nervous" my reply was easy.. "well you should have come in earlier!"
Oh look Eric is deciding to come into the cave! Welcome to the cave Eric, Welcome! 
A happy friend once inside the cave to see that I was safe! ha ha Happy Birthday to him! New Snow: Overnight: 12" 24hr: 21" 48hr: 39"
Current Base Depth: 131"
Season Snowfall: 414"
Current Temps: 17 degrees
....loooooooooooong sigh......
What at day... okay fine you got it out of me.. what a week this has been! It's a good thing I worked out with Jane Fonda in my younger years! Intense has been the word of the week (along with grumpy, anxious, stressed, sad, happy, giddy, grateful, and yes once again intense!)
I should probably be grateful for actually feeling the emotions when it comes to certain situations that have been presented in my life. Far too often in today's world it has been seen as negative with showingor expressing how you are feeling. It's only taken me how long to go against the grain and be okay with feeling the emotions I have and not what is okay to feel by others standards?
Putting the past week aside I sit at my computer now after coming home from Al anon. It was a quite a teeter totter process today during work whether or not if I was going to go or not. I should know better that when I am really debating whether or not to go.. is really when I need to go! I think the determining factor was getting a call from a dear friend. She called with sadness, anger, and confusion. Listening to her situation I couldn't help but have memories flood my mind. Talking to her about addiction and drugs, amazed me at where I actually stand compared to the past. She asked if I was going to the meeting, in my head I said no, but my outside voice said "yes of course". She then asked if I wouldn't mind picking up her daughter. (**Side note: her daughter has to be one of the most amazing young girls I have ever come in contact with. Her soul is amazing, strong and much more mature than most adults! I took her two weeks ago to her first meeting. A meeting she could go sit with kids her age, listen to stories, share hers and just realize she's not alone in this never ending battle.)
As we were driving to the meeting I could tell she was excited to go. There had been some really big events that had just recently happened. Events big enough to trigger emotions in her mom as well as her. Driving to the meeting I thought, well tonight is for her! Boy was I wrong on that one!
I usually don't share what is discussed in these meetings but tonight was for me and no one else! If that's not possible.. it was tonight, cause it happened! ha ha! Having had Valentine's Day yesterday the topic was on self love and being critical of ones self. As I heard the topic I thought-- well here's to the longest hour! As stories were shared, I couldn't help but relate to EVERY person that shared. That has never happened the entire two years of attending. Memories and feelings from my marriage surfaced. Having been married to a Sex Addict and the feelings that I allowed myself to feel, allowing him to treat me certain ways - It's safe to say I shared his addiction with him. I shared the addiction of looking at myself poorly. I shared his addiction in comparing me to others and not loving me for me. I shared his addiction of me not feeling worthy of who I am and what I am worth. I thought, I mean honestly thought I had a good jump from my marriage but 5 years later feelings still arise- I am really begin to think that those feelings never leave. I sat in that meeting almost on the verge of tears. Tears that would have expressed nothing other than gratitude for where I am at today!
The past week has not been a highlight - that's for sure. After tonight's meeting I look at the past week as a victory! A victory of allowing myself to feel and express how I am really feeling. A victory of loving myself enough with being comfortable to face whatever it was that came into play. A victory of walking away from each situation with my head held high, knowing I reacted and dealt with the situation in a positive way where I will never regret anything that was done or said.
On the drive home, I asked "lil' Miss" how her meeting was. Her reply "intense and exhausting". I said you know me too, me too! I told her how proud I was of her for facing a hard situation and really trying to understand it. I shared with her a few experiences and really emphasized that most adults don't like facing tough situations and that she truly has a strong spirit. I am fortunate to have the chance to have one on one time with her. I think she does more good for me than she realizes!
I started this blog feeling overwhelmed with thinking about the past week and how hard it's been. However I am ending this blog feeling thankful and so blessed for this past week and for this dear dear girl that has a spirit that shines!
.....looooooooooong sigh..........
First and for most HAPPY SPRING and GORGEOUS day to everyone! Woke up Sumday morning and the temp read 49 I thought, hmmm this will make for a cold ride! None the less the sun was shining, the air was clear and the mountains were beautiful!
As for the start of the ride... didn't start out like I would have liked! BUT the ride was amazing! What more could a girl ask for!? (Well other than apparently needing help with the tire! Not as easy as it looks folks! Road bikes + flat tire = harder than most flat tires to fix!
My dear friend Phillip and I took advantage of the snow (that every other Utard hates) and spent the day up Big Cottonwood canyon snowshoeing! Well one of us anyway! ha ha! I pulled my things together that morning and made sure everything was there.. camelback-check, coat-check, snowpants-check, snowshoes-check, etc etc.. On the way to meet his California Raisin butt (he's a Utard transplant! Don't hold it against him!) I stopped at REI and rented him shoes. We get up to the parking lot, start getting dressed and he says "did you not bring your snowshoes?" I laughed and thought oh wouldn't that be funny. Well come to find out, I didn't grab them! (hey Good Job Suzers!) Well lucky for me I had my good ole yak traks, I figured they would work just as well... in some spots I found out! :) An easy hike but sometimes it's the company, scenery and just getting away from the city! (which yes I tend to do a lot) What a great day! Thank you Phil for being my side kick for the day!
(this is where snowshoes would have come in handy on the hill!)
The hole of the donut!
.....and the California Raisin.. bless his heart, he's having a hard time admitting he's a Utard! :)Oh seriously.. fur cute! :) Jess had a few dances in the past month that she has gone too. She's so cute and asked me to do her hair.. and it definitely helps my final masterpiece to turn out good when the person I'm doing the hair on is adorable and absolutely gorgeous!!! Jess you looked beautiful girl!! And lil' Bray.. you looked beautiful too with your Yapenese twist in your hair! (She actually came to the chair, patted it so I would lift her up and wanted me to do her hair! I swear that girl is so stinking cute!)
Till next dance..... 
