I'd rather be with you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIADdtY9pQA

Rambles of my thoughts....

At what point in life do you consider yourself: Happy? Satisfied? At what point do you: Allow yourself to truly process emotions? Become fully aware of where you sit in life? I mean literally sit. I am sitting at a coffee shop in the 9th and 9th area of Salt Lake City, Utah.. You are sitting where reading this? I mean have you truly just thought about where you physically are? To go deeper- have you come to an awareness of where you are mentally? Emotionally? Spiritually? I'm not forcing you but merely suggesting / asking you to take a few minutes and really become aware of where YOU are .....

The past 6 months have been, hell, amazing, emotionally draining, incredible with all the awakenings that I have really come to be aware of, hard, incredible and well not worth giving up! I have really opened up and learn to love again but am learning that everything comes as a gamble with timing. Sometimes it works and well something it doesn't. Which leads me to learning to let go. I have journeyed into the word of becoming a certified yoga instructor... What an amazing ride that has been. Physically, emotionally and who would have thought spiritually! I am learning to be at peace with where things in life are in the present, yesterday was yesterday. I can live for today and be okay with how I am feeling.. and lately I tend to feel like a baby... crying over this... crying over that... crying cause i'm sad... crying cause i'm missing someone... crying cause i lost someone... crying cause I learned how to do a new yoga pose... crying while I watch a touching movie... crying when I see a picture of a happy memory... crying cause I see first hand how drugs have ruined the life of a loved one... crying when feeding the homeless under the freeway viaduct realizing how great my life is. Tears that I have learned - are feeding myself not for tomorrow but for today.

This post may be boring or it may be as simple of not understanding where I am coming from. I just ask that you take 10 minutes for yourself and really ponder about where you are now. Slow down your life, notice the leaves, the people on the side of the road as you drive. Notice how people in a restaurant interact with each other. How are you feeling emotionally right now.

The biggest lesson I have learned the past 6 months- the true meaning and difference between alone and lonely. I used to be so worried about my phone, email or what my plans will be. Always keeping busy... why? What was I running from? I was running from myself and my feelings. I was running from understanding who Suzanna is. I have really put down my phone. Stayed away from Facebook (yes you know it's just as addicting as I realize! ha ha) I have really been okay with doing things the things I want to. I want to cry- I cry. I want to laugh or just sit in silence.. I do just that. I am okay with being alone. I am okay with just that. I miss and I want to be in a relationship one day - but how can I be with someone if I'm not okay with being with just me?

This post is just my expression from the past 6 months... I have no regrets. I only have appreciation and smiles from what I have experienced. I have met some of the most amazing people- there will always be a part of me, whether they know it or not- there is a place in my heart for them. The part of the heart where you think about them.. your eyes close, a smile slowly forms, memories flood your head - so realistic as you are reliving those exact moments, the smell of the person, the sound of their voice, the feel of their touch, actually hearing their laugh.... It just happened- I let my walls down in order to feel exactly just that...

I told you the past 6 months have been amazing!!